Fall down seven, stand up eight

Shannon Goo

May 8, 2018

FD#4

Word Count: 1528

In this world it is important to have tough skin because the world will always find ways to knock you down. Being able to stand up time and time again after being constantly knocked down is an important trait to have. Everyone in this world will face adversity, but it’s how they deal with it that shows their true strength. I feel like a lot of people misunderstand what it means to be “strong”, it doesn’t always necessarily mean you have to consistently pick yourself up each time you fall, sometimes it means to just recognize that you need to pick yourself back up. With every situation, people deal with it how they want, whether it be in a healthy or toxic way. In this essay I will talk about three strong women and their struggles in life and how they used their strength to overcome it.

Ashley Nicolette Frangipane, aka Halsey, is an American pop artist and singer. I have been listening to her music since 2015 and she has been such an inspiration to me. The first song that I heard from her was her song “Colors”. That song impacted me a lot and helped me through what I was going through at the time. Since I have started listening to her, her songs have continuously been relatable and impressive, and soon she became my favorite artist to listen to. I have gone to two concerts of hers here in Hawaii and loved each one, her strength is really inspiring. Halsey really advocates for women and is a strong believer in equal rights and feminism. Ever since a Women’s March in 2018, I fell more in love with her and everything she has been through. At the March, she got up on the podium and recited  a poem she wrote titled, “A Story Like Mine.” The poem brought me to tears, because every girl I know can relate to this poem in some way or another. In the poem, she talks about friends and personal stories of rape, sexual abuse, and assault, saying that every girl has a story similar to it. Halsey goes on to say this about a person she was dating, “He says I can’t say no to him, This much I owe to him, He buys my dinner, so I have to blow him, He’s taken to forcing me down on my knees, And I’m confused ’cause he’s hurting me while he says please, And he’s only a man, and these things he just needs, He’s my boyfriend, so why am I filled with unease?”. That really hits home because when you love someone, sometimes you don’t recognize the warning signs that this person is toxic. Just because he buys you stuff or says please, does not make it okay for anyone to force you to please them in anyway. It is sad because these people tend to be people you trust, so when it happens the betrayal just seems to sting more. Towards the end of the poem Halsey says, “But we are not free until all of us are free, So love your neighbor, please treat her kindly, Ask her story and then shut up and listen.” It is such a breathtaking line because people are just curious to know what happened for gossip, but they don’t really listen to what you have to say. To me, this poem is really powerful and impactful. It shows her strength to deal with all these circumstances throughout her life, and how brave she is to come out about it.

My friend Rae, has been through so much in her life. She has lost both her parents at different times in her life, and as her mom wasn’t in the picture too much, she was practically raised by her grandmother. It was rough dealing with her parents, after losing her dad early, and her mom being an alcoholic it was very tough times. I have only met Rae last semester when we both attended University of Hawaii Manoa, both I feel a deep connection with her. Rae is twenty six years old, whereas I am twenty one, and we have found out that our past overlap a lot. She has lived both on the Big Island and on Oahu for her life. While on Oahu, she attended Waialae Elementary School and partially at Kalani High School, which I had attended both schools. We also went to Kapiolani Community College for the New Media Arts Program, which we both graduated from but at different times, and last semester when I met her at UHM, we were both going for the same Bachelors of Fine Arts Degree. So being in the same cohort as her, we spent a lot of time together inside and outside of class and we quickly became really close to one another. Now as best friends, as she was telling me these stories of losing her dad, what happened with her mother, and just past relationships that she has had, I started crying at everything that she has had to endure in her life. I am a sensitive person, and I care about everyone, and even though I had just recently met her, she was someone that I felt really close to. It is one of those friendships where you both just click with each other. Rae’s strength through all of her struggles has been very eye opening and relatable. Even though we have been through different situations in life, we both feel the same way on somethings. She has taught me a lot about life and love and has showed me to just keep marching along no matter what life throws at you. Rae is always there for me during any struggle I am going through. I do my best to always return the favor, because I know that I can always count on her for anything. I don’t want to get too into her stories because they are personal (I did ask her for permission to write this paper though), her family struggles with alcoholism and drugs. I know it has been hard for her to deal with it, especially after her mother died, she took up smoking cigarettes because it reminded her of her mom. Everyone deals with everything differently, and I can say for both Rae and myself that we deal with things that balances a fine line between being “toxic” and “healthy”. To me, strength means that no matter how you deal with it, picking yourself back up is the main concern. Asking others for help can also be seen as strength, sometimes you can’t handle everything by yourself and it’s okay to lean on others for help. It should not be seen as a weakness, in fact it takes courage to reach out to people when you are struggling. Rae has demonstrated time and time again that she is capable of picking herself up but also can ask for help when she needs it from the people that love her the most.

Strength is such an important trait to me because it is what you need to survive in this life. My whole life I have struggled with anxiety and depression and it is so exhausting to deal with. The anxiety and depression conflict within me and it is so hard to pick myself up. Sometimes I think of myself as a pretty weak person because I am unable for days to pick myself up, and in my eyes I see that as failure. The beginning of this semester was a struggle for me. My boyfriend of seven years cheated on me and it really shook me to my core. It sent me into a depression state where I didn’t want to do anything and I just wanted to die. I know it sounds dramatic but everything I had known was ripped away from me and I had lost a part of myself. I acted like everything was fine but when I was alone thoughts of suicide would fill my head and I would just spiral down. I couldn’t eat, sleep, or do anything, it was the lowest I have ever felt. Rae among my other friends really helped me out of my downward spiral, they gave me strength when I didn’t have any of my own. This whole situation has really been life changing for me, I am now trying to find myself and who I want to be in this life. Trying to be independent is really different for me. Being with someone for seven years is a really long time, especially since he was my first boyfriend, it was really upsetting and confusing for me. It was just days and weeks of self destruction, because in my head all I felt was pain and I just wanted to numb it all. Strength is so important because it keeps you holding on even when there seems to be nothing to hold onto. It doesn’t matter how long it takes to pick yourself back up, sometimes it takes a really long time to recognize your worth and know that this life is worth living.

Halsey, an American Artist and Pop Singer, at a Women’s March in 2018 reciting her poem, “A Story Like Mine.”

My friends and I at a concert spending quality time and having a genuine fun time together.

The Pursuit of Happiness

The American Dream has always been depicted to me as a white picket fence, a beautiful house with a nice husband and a couple of kids. That always struck me as odd that this is what the “American Dream” was. I understand that the American Dream is supposed to be the vision of freedom, hard work, and justice for all, however that does not happen much at all. The American Dream is the idea in which every man or woman will be richer or fuller according to their abilities or achievements. [THESIS] The American Dream to me is being happy with what you do in life and being comfortable in who you are.[THESIS]

Sixto Diaz Rodriguez is an Mexican American songwriter from Detroit, Michigan. Rodriguez was also known as the “Sugar Man” and had a short lived career in the United States but turned out to be a big hit in South Africa, New Zealand, and Australia. Rodriguez was a simple man who valued the little things in life. To him, living in the moment was the most important part of being alive. His music talks a lot about politics and difficulties that inner city poor dealt with. “And you can keep your symbols of success, then I’ll pursue my own happiness. And you can keep your clocks and routines, then I’ll go mend all my shattered dreams,” From Rodriguez’s song, “I’ll Slip Away” it represents that everyone has their own pursuit of happiness. Everyone’s dream is not all the same when it comes to how they want to live their lives. In a lot of his song, Rodriguez talks about happiness and how you have to choose your own destiny and what you want in life. In that same song he goes on to say, “’Cause you’ve been down on me for too long, and for too long I just put you on. Now I’m tired of lying and I’m sick of trying, ’cause I’m losing who I really am, and I’m not choosing to be like them,” saying that he does not want to listen to everyone else and to conform to what everyone wants him to be.

My good friend Melissa relates to Rodriquez because she has struggled her whole life. Growing up with divorced parents at a young age, she has had to go between the two constantly. Her father lives here on Oahu, while her mother lives in the Mainland and she has to go back and forth every year, uprooting her life to see each parent. Two years ago, she moved up permanently to Seattle to be with her mom because things were rough with her father and his family. She moved to get away from the drama and in hopes to start a new life. However, as of recent she has moved back to Hawaii but is not living with her father, instead choosing to live with friends. Now she has conflictions with both her father and mother because they were always telling her who she should be. Melissa’s whole life was spent trying to please both her father and mother and she wanted to be a good daughter for them. Finally though, she has had enough and wants to be who she wants to be now. Although she is still trying to figure it out she is progressively taking steps in order to be happy. She is no longer listening to voices in the background who tell her who she has to be, but is rather listening to the voice inside of her that is begging to be let out.

I can personally relate to Rodriquez because even though I am struggling right now, I want to choose happiness for myself. The beginning of this year has been particularly rough for me as I feel like I have lost a great part of myself. I am constantly trying to figure out who I am and what it means to be happy. It is a daily struggle but I am confident that I will be able to be comfortable in my own skin and become confident in who I am. I have learned that I need to not rely on others for happiness and that in order to be happy I have to look inside myself. Also the key to being happy is to not listen to what anyone else has to say about your life, because it is YOUR life and you should live it how you want to live it.

The American Dream is tricky, because everyone defines it differently. However to me, the American Dream is just being happy in life. Happiness to everyone will vary, whether it be materialistic, romance, or career oriented. I constantly remind myself that happiness is a choice and we all have to choose to be happy. Even though sometimes it may be difficult because life will want to knock you down, happiness is only something you can give yourself.

Cone Snails: Insulin for Diabetes

Shannon Goo

Mar 8, 2019

ENG 200

FD #2

Word Count: 1045

Watching silently across the table, I observe as my grandma injects a needle into the side of her stomach area. I cringed as the needle penetrated her skin while she sat there unfazed. She had been doing this routine for such a long time that it no longer affected her. Younger me is confused as to why my grandma has to inject herself with a needle once a day while we eat, usually at dinner. “Daddy,” I ask, “Why does Grammie have to poke herself with a needle?” He looks at me and says, “You’re a little young to understand, but she has diabetes, it runs in the family.” I shake my head, still confused at his reply. In my mind, I had many questions that I would wonder about silently. However, it was years later is when I finally understood what diabetes is and how frightening it can be. Diabetes has been a big part of my childhood, from watching my grandma have Type 1 Diabetes, and then hearing that my dad has Type 2 Diabetes, it affected our lifestyle. Changing the diet of our household, more portion control, and trying to stay more active to help manage diabetes. While my dad’s condition is not as severe, it is worrisome because it could develop into Type 1. My grandma had some scary experiences when dealing with low blood sugar where we had to get her something to eat quickly before anything serious happened.

“Diabetes,” as defined by the National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases (NIDDK), “is a disease that occurs when your blood glucose, also called blood sugar, is too high. Insulin, a hormone made by the pancreas, helps glucose from food get into your cells to be used for energy. Sometimes your body doesn’t make enough—or any—insulin or doesn’t use insulin well. Glucose then stays in your blood and doesn’t reach your cells.” Diabetes afflicts more than 422 million people worldwide, and the numbers are increasing rapidly. It is the leading cause of blindness, kidney failure, amputations, heart failure, and stroke. Currently, there is no cure for diabetes, there are only steps to take to manage and control your diabetes and stay healthy. From a financial standpoint, having diabetes is a major strain. People diagnosed with diabetes spend an average of $16,752 on treatments and medications. The cost of insulin alone has increased significantly from being an average of $100-$200 a month to $400-$500 a month. Synthetic “human” insulin was introduced in the early 1980s while “analog” (genetically modified) insulin was developed in the 1990s that provided several benefits more than human insulin. Although analog insulin works faster and is more consistent, they are after far more expensive.

Cone snails are one of the largest marine snail families in the Hawaiian Islands. Many variations of beautiful patterns and colors, different habitats for different species. Hawaii has explicitly 34 species of cone snails. While relying on smell for hunting, they use their siphon to locate worms, fish and other snails. Once prey is detected, they sting their victim with their harpoon-like tooth. Small cone snails can give humans a painful sting but aren’t dangerous, while bigger ones (up to nine inches) can be fatal. As Erica said, “Nature teaches many different things just like trial and error, finding a balance with all creation and harmony and connecting with others.” Because even though their venom can cause pain or even be deadly, we can actually learn from these cone snails and harvest their venom for our benefit. Their venom is a complex mixture of many different chemicals, at least fifty to a hundred biologically active compounds.

“By studying highly innovative processes in nature and imitating them for resource efficiency, we can transform biological issues into opportunities.” (Weber) Researchers have found that in the properties of cone snail venom there are potential medical uses for humans. Some conopeptides are able to relieve pain in humans very effectively, some are currently being tested. Researchers have made a synthetic version of the conopeptide, the artificial chemical, called ziconotide. Ziconotide can vary in effects from person to person, just like any medication. People say that the medication is beneficial, some say it is only a partial pain reliever, while others say that the benefits are just not worth it. Ziconotide is also not addictive and also does not develop a tolerance to it.

While it is currently being used as pain relievers, something more eye-opening is that the venom of a certain cone snail—Conus geographus—contains a type of insulin, the hormone that diabetics lack. This insulin found in the cone snails can bind the human insulin receptor on the membrane of cells. Researching more into it shows that venom from other cone snail species also contains insulin. Although snail insulin is not a perfect match to the human type, it’s similar enough that they can study the animal’s insulin to develop a better form of insulin for humans. Hopefully, by mimicking and observing cone snail venom, we are able to understand insulin better. “Ideas from biology can lead to radical increases in resource efficiency, delivering the same function but with a fraction of the resource input.” (Pawlyn) If we can produce and manufacture insulin this way, it may be able to reduce costs and have a longer lasting effect on the diabetic. With diabetes rising at an alarming rate with currently no cure, by using cone snails we could be able to cure or at least lessen the pain for those dealing with diabetes.

Using cone snails as an example, we are able to learn so much from them. As Benyus says, “Biomimicry is a new discipline that tries to learn from those geniuses, and take advice.” Cone snails are a great example of using biomimicry to improve our lives. By studying and observing the cone snails and how their venom works, we can manufacture and learn how their insulin works and potentially cut costs and save resources. The insulin is fast acting and can bind human insulin receptor which is a fantastic breakthrough. It is ironic how something can cause us pain or even kill yet it could be a potential lifesaver to those with diabetes.

Cone Snails: Insulin for Diabetes

Shannon Goo

Feb 25, 2019

ENG 200

RD #2

Word Count: 1045

Watching silently across the table, I observe as my grandma injects a needle into the side of her stomach area. I cringed as the needle went inside her skin while she sat there unfazed. She had been doing this routine for such a long time that it no longer affected her. Younger me is confused as to why my grandma has to inject herself with a needle once a day while we eat, usually at dinner. “Daddy,” I ask, “Why does grammie have to poke herself with a needle?” He looks at me and says, “You’re a little young to understand, but she has diabetes, it runs in the family.” I shake my head, still confused at his reply. In my mind I had many questions that I would wonder about silently. However, it was years later is when I finally understood what diabetes is and how frightening it can be. Diabetes has been a big part of my childhood, from watching my grandma have Type 1 Diabetes, and then hearing that my dad has Type 2 Diabetes, it affected our lifestyle. Changing the diet of our household, more portion control, and trying to stay more active to help manage the diabetes. While my dad’s condition is not as severe, it is worrisome because it could develop into Type 1. My grandma has had some scary experiences when dealing with low blood sugar where we had to get her something to eat quickly before anything serious happened.

“Diabetes,” as defined by the National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases (NIDDK), “is a disease that occurs when your blood glucose, also called blood sugar, is too high. Insulin, a hormone made by the pancreas, helps glucose from food get into your cells to be used for energy. Sometimes your body doesn’t make enough—or any—insulin or doesn’t use insulin well. Glucose then stays in your blood and doesn’t reach your cells.” Diabetes afflicts more than 422 million people worldwide, and the numbers are increasing rapidly. It is the leading cause of blindness, kidney failure, amputations, heart failure and stroke. Currently there is no cure for diabetes, there are only steps to take to manage and control your diabetes and stay healthy. From a financial standpoint, having diabetes is a major strain. People diagnosed with diabetes spend an average of $16,752 on treatments and medications. The cost of insulin alone has increased significantly from being an average of $100-$200 a month to $400-$500 a month. Synthetic “human” insulin was introduced in the early 1980s while “analog” (genetically modified) insulin was developed in the 1990s that provided several benefits more than human insulin. Although analog insulin works faster and is more consistent, they are after far more expensive.

Cone snails are one of the largest marine snail families in the Hawaiian Islands. Many variations of beautiful patterns and colors, different habitats for different species. Hawaii specifically has 34 species of cone snails. While relying on smell for hunting, they use their siphon to locate worms, fish and other snails. Once prey is detected it, they sting their victim with their harpoon-like tooth. Small cone snails can give humans a painful sting but aren’t dangerous, while bigger ones (up to nine inches) can be fatal. As Erica said, “Nature teaches many different things just like trial and error, finding a balance with all creation and harmony and connecting with others.” Because even though their venom can cause pain or even be deadly, we can actually learn from these cone snails and harvest their venom for our benefit. Their venom is a complex mixture of many different chemicals, at least fifty to a hundred biologically active compounds. “By studying highly innovative processes in nature and imitating them for resource efficiency, we can transform biological issues into opportunities.” (Weber) Researchers have found that in the properties of cone snail venom there are potential medical usage for humans. Some conopeptides are able to relieve pain in humans very effectively, some are currently being tested. Researchers have made a synthetic version of the conopeptide, the artificial chemical, called ziconotide. Ziconotide can vary in effects from person to person, just like any medication. People say that the medication is very helpful, some say it is only a partial pain reliever, while others say that the benefits are just not worth it. Ziconotide is also not addictive and also does not develop a tolerance. While it is currently being used as pain relievers, something more eye opening is that the venom of a certain cone snail—Conus geographus—contains a type of insulin, the hormone that diabetics lack. This insulin found in the cone snails can bind the human insulin receptor on the membrane of cells. Researching more into it shows that venom from other cone snail species also contains insulin. Although snail insulin is not a perfect match to the human type, it’s similar enough that they can study the animal’s insulin to develop a better form of insulin for humans. Hopefully by mimicking and observing cone snail venom we are able to better understand insulin. “Ideas from biology can lead to radical increases in resource efficiency, delivering the same function but with a fraction of the resource input.” (Pawlyn) If we can produce and manufacture insulin this way, it may be able to reduce costs and have a longer lasting effect on the diabetic. With diabetes rising at an alarming rate with currently no cure, by using cone snails we could be able to cure or at least lessen the pain for those dealing with diabetes.

Using cone snails as an example, we are able to learn so much from them. As Benyus says, “Biomimicry is a new discipline that tries to learn from those geniuses, and take advice.” Cone snails are a great example of using biomimicry to improve our lives. By studying and observing the cone snails and how their venom works, we can manufacture and learn how their insulin works and potentially cut costs and save resources. The insulin is fast acting and can bind human insulin receptor which is an amazing break through. It is ironic how something can cause us pain or even kill yet it could be a potentional life saver to those with diabetes.

Works Cited

Benyus, Janine. “Biomimicry in Action.” TED. YouTube, 6 Aug. 2009. 8 July 2013.

“Cone Snail.” Maui Ocean Center, Maui Ocean Center, mauioceancenter.com/educate/hawaiis-marine-life/cone-snail/.

“Cone Snail Venom: Medical Uses and Potential Benefits.” Owlcation, Owlcation, owlcation.com/stem/Cone-Snails-Dangerous-Venom-With-Medicinal-Uses.

“Cone Snail Venom Reveals Insulin Insights.” National Institutes of Health, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 18 Oct. 2016, www.nih.gov/news-events/nih-research-matters/cone-snail-venom-reveals-insulin-insights.

Dorsey, Jenifer. “Cost of Treating Diabetes – Insurance, Insulin Prices + Complications.” Health EDeals, 13 Dec. 2018, www.healthedeals.com/blog/save/diabetes-costs/.

Felman, Adam. “Insulin: Function and Types.” Medical News Today, MediLexicon International, www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/323760.php

.

Lee, Erica. “Paper 2 Discussion 1 2/15”. Laulima Discussion. 21 Feb. 2019. Web. 23 Feb. 2019.

Pawlyn, Michael. “Using Nature’s Genius in Architecture.” TED. YouTube, 10 Feb. 2011. 8 July 2013.

Weber, Natalie. “Paper 2 Discussion 1 2/15”. Laulima Discussion. 21 Feb. 2019. Web. 23 Feb. 2019.

“What Is Diabetes?” DRI BioHub: Supply, www.diabetesresearch.org/what-is-diabetes.

“What Is Diabetes?” National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 1 Nov. 2016, www.niddk.nih.gov/health-information/diabetes/overview/what-is-diabetes.

https://www.goodrx.com/blog/heres-why-insulin-is-so-expensive-and-what-you-can-do-about-it/

Beauty is Love

Shannon Goo
English 200
FD#1
8 February 2019
Word Count 798

Glancing at myself in the mirror, I took a deep breath and analyzed the imperfections lingering my body. Eyes filled with disgust at what I saw in the reflection, I sunk soundlessly to the bathroom floor. Why does this hurt so much, I think to myself, I never thought he would do this to me. As I try to process everything that has happened the past two days, my stomach turns to knots and my head floods with destructive thoughts. How can somebody love you one day then throw it away the next? Picking myself up off the floor I wipe my tears away and calm down. Suddenly from the counter by the sink, my phone rings, it’s my sister asking how I was doing and if I needed anything from the mall. I tell her, “I’m fine, I’m not hungry right now,” she replies, “Okay, love you, I’ll be home soon.” I smile to myself because I am so thankful for what my sister does for me.

Like a zombie I sluggishly move from the bathroom to my room and lay down on my bed. My chest feels heavy yet empty as the weight of the loss of him weighed down on me. C’mon it’s the second day of classes, you cannot be late! My brain uses that as motivation to get myself out of bed. I call my best friend, Jenna, and let her know that I am on my way to pick her up to go to class. As I drive to pick her up from her workplace, I try to think of what to say to her. Pulling up I see her expressions of worry and concern plastered over her face. Nervously, I unlock the door for her and she gets inside the car. As I put the car into drive I begin telling her how my ex cheated on me, and how it has been tearing me up inside. She comforts me and listens with understanding and a caring heart. When Seymour says, “Do we actually think beauty or do we feel it?”  It resonated with me because as I looked at her, I felt the love and concern she had about me and it is beautiful.

Every inch of body wanted to just lay in bed, but I forced myself to go to class because I know it is the best thing to do. Distractions are a great way to forget someone who meant everything to you. My attention was scattered in every direction as my mind went through various scenarios about him and I. As I sat absentmindedly taking notes on the lecture, my best friend, Richard, invites me to go watch movies and play games at Dave & Busters with his family and him. Graciously accepting the offer I went with them to get my mind off of things. Sitting in a booth at Dave & Buster’s, I felt happy and loved to be surrounded by friends and family, which is a thing of beauty. As my classmate Kawaguchi said, “We perceive things that we were conditioned to deem beautiful.” And I couldn’t find that statement more true than being with friends and family and living in the moment.

At the worst point I have ever felt in my life, the people I care about the most were there for me. As Munoz says,  “I was able to understand the beauty of feeling, and as humans we all can feel.” Meaning that these emotions are beautiful and so important because even though everything is not perfect, people you care about and those who care about you make the world a better place. [THESIS] Beauty surrounds us and disguises itself as love. [THESIS] Beauty comes in all forms; it can be the sweet words of a loved one, the warm embrace of someone who cares, or even the simple beauty of nature that surrounds us. Like Seymour said, “Beauty is in the limbic system of the beholder.” Beauty is everywhere we go, and it is up to the beholder to feel its beauty.

Through this difficult time, I look to the people I care about with love in my eyes and thankfulness in my heart. They have picked me back up time and time again and have given me reasons to keep going and to still be so loving. Even though I felt lost, I look to the light of everyone around me. Their presence keeps me afloat even when I want to drown and as Cummings said, “For whatever we lose (like a you or a me), it’s always ourselves we find in the sea.” We always find ourselves again, no matter what obstacles we go through we come out stronger, and loving yourself is the most beautiful thing you can do.

Works Cited

Jin, Ha. “Missed Time.” Poetryfoundation.org. 2000. 1 Sep. 2018.

Kawaguchi, Jessica. “Discussion #2 Five Video Talks.” Laulima Discussion. 25 Jan. 2019. 26 Jan. 2019.

Munoz, Marily. “Discussion #2 Five Video Talks.” Laulima Discussion. 25 Jan. 2019. 26 Jan. 2019.

Russell, Cameron. “Looks Aren’t Everything. Believe Me, I’m a Model.” TED. YouTube, 16 Jan. 2013. 25 Jan. 2019.

Seymour, Richard. “How Beauty Feels.” TED. YouTube, 11 Oct. 2011. 25 Jan. 2019.

Beauty is Love

English 200

Shannon Goo

RD #1

28 January 2019

Word count 799

Glancing at myself in the mirror, I took a deep breath and analyzed the imperfections lingering my body. Eyes filled with disgust at what I saw in the reflection. As I sunk soundlessly to the bathroom floor, I curl up and begin to cry. Why does this hurt so much, I think to myself, I never thought he would do this to me. As I try to process everything that has happened the past two days, my stomach turns to knots and my head floods with destructive thoughts. How can somebody love you one day then throw it away the next? Picking myself up off the floor I wipe my tears away and calm down. Suddenly from the counter by the sink, my phone rings, brr, brr, it’s my sister asking how I was doing and if I needed anything from the mall. I tell her, “I’m fine, I’m not hungry right now,” she replies, “Okay, love you, I’ll be home soon.” I smile to myself because I am so thankful for what my sister does for me.

Like a zombie I sluggishly move from the bathroom to my room and lay down on my bed. My chest feels heavy yet empty as the weight of the loss of him wore down on me. C’mon it’s the second day of classes, you cannot be late! My brain uses that as motivation to get myself out of bed. I call my best friend, Jenna, and let her know that I am on my way to pick her up to go to class. As I drive to pick her up from her workplace, I try to think of what to say to her. Pulling up I see her expressions of worry and concern plastered over her face. Nervously, I unlock the door for her and she gets inside the car. As I put the car into drive I begin telling her how my ex cheated on me, and how it has been tearing me up inside. She comforts me and listens with understanding and a caring heart. When Seymour says, “Do we actually think beauty or do we feel it?”  It resonated with me because as I looked at her, I felt the love and concern she had about me and it is beautiful.

Every inch of body wanted to just lay in bed, but I forced myself to go to class because I know it is the best thing to do. Distractions are a great way to forget someone who meant everything to you. My attention was scattered in every direction as my mind went through various scenarios about him and I. As I sat absentmindedly taking notes on the lecture, my best friend, Richard, invites me to go watch movies and play games at Dave & Busters with his family and him. Graciously accepting the offer I went with them to get my mind off of things. Sitting in a booth at Dave & Buster’s, I felt happy and loved and that to me is quite a thing of beauty. Enjoying time with friends and family is always a great way to feel energized and as Kawaguchi said, “We perceive things that we were conditioned to deem beautiful.”

At the worst point I have ever felt in my life, the people I care about the most were there for me. As Munoz says,  “I was able to understand the beauty of feeling, and as humans we all can feel.” Meaning that these emotions are beautiful and so important because even though everything is not perfect, people you care about and those who care about you make the world a better place. [THESIS] Beauty surrounds us and disguises itself as love. Beauty comes in all forms; it can be the sweet words of a loved one, the warm embrace of someone who cares, or even the simple beauty of nature that surrounds us. [THESIS] Like Seymour said, “Beauty is in the limbic system of the beholder.” Beauty is everywhere we go, and it is up to the beholder to feel its beauty.

Through this difficult time, I look to the people I care about with love in my eyes and thankfulness in my heart. They have picked me back up time and time again and have given me reasons to keep going and to still be so loving. Even though I felt lost, I look to the light of everyone around me. Their presence keeps me float even when I want to drown and as Cummings said, “For whatever we lose (like a you or a me), it’s always ourselves we find in the sea.” We always find ourselves again, no matter what obstacles we go through we come out stronger, and loving yourself is the most beautiful thing you can do.

Works Cited

Jin, Ha. “Missed Time.” Poetryfoundation.org. 2000. 1 Sep. 2018.

Kawaguchi, Jessica. “Discussion #2 Five Video Talks.” Laulima Discussion. 25 Jan. 2019. 26 Jan. 2019.

Munoz, Marily. “Discussion #2 Five Video Talks.” Laulima Discussion. 25 Jan. 2019. 26 Jan. 2019.

Russell, Cameron. “Looks Aren’t Everything. Believe Me, I’m a Model.” TED. YouTube, 16 Jan. 2013. 25 Jan. 2019.

Seymour, Richard. “How Beauty Feels.” TED. YouTube, 11 Oct. 2011. 25 Jan. 2019.

The Journey Begins

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton